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" Often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them. "
- ♥ - Hermann Hesse - ♥ -

Photograph courtesy of SnapShotStrawn
Photograph courtesy of SnapShotStrawn

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

Many women become trapped in emotionally abusive relationships and feel that it is their fault.Through isolation, they forget what is a normal healthy relationship. Here are some danger signs of toxic relationships:-

  1. Controlling Behavior
    Emotionally abusive men have a common thinking style. They seek meek and strong women alike. Confident women are a challenge to them. They want to establish commitment from a woman quickly, and don't like uncertainty. As a result of this, women only hve a narrow window of opportunity to determine if their relationship is abusive.

    One way to overcome this is not to jump in too fast in any relationship. Be watchful of telltale signs before moving in or becoming too involved.

    Women risk losing their confidence, strength and independence when trapped in a controlling relationship.

    Some examples:-

    • He discusses his future with her in a definite way very early in their relationship.
    • He wants to make all the decisions about what they do together.
    • He tells her she'll be perfect if only she just changes....(fill in blanks with anything) about herself.
    • He tells her how to dress and behave when they go out together.
    • He expects to have rights that he denies her.
    • He punishes her with anger, emotional withdrawal or broken promises if he doesn't get his way.

  2. Constructive-Destructive Behavior
    He will say wonderful things to the woman to 'build' her up, only to follow this with destructive behavior to destroy her confidence.

    An example:-

    • He constantly draws attention to the mistakes she makes and brings them up again, at a later date.

  3. Extreme Jealousy
    He demands all of the woman's time and prevents her from seeing her friends and family. He insists on knowing every detail of what she does when they are not together.

    By not giving her any space, he stops her from spending time alone to process information properly. This is actually a manipulative ploy to stop her from seeing him clearly.

  4. Tell-tale Language Signs
    He will portray himself as her savior, and will tell her all her problems will disappear if she is with him. He will say that she is special and different from any other women he has ever met although he hardly knows her. He may refer to his 'ex' as someone who 'betrayed' him.

    Some examples:-

    • He speaks negatively about a demographic she belongs to, for example, her sex, her nationality, her religion or ethnicity.
    • He blames someone else for his mistakes.

What are Some Changes She Starts to See in Herself?

Don't ever think you are too smart to get caught in his web. Your confidence will not save you. Those methods he uses will work on anyone, as has been shown scientifically.

Some Easy Tips for Her

And if you're still not scared after all of this, then watch the movie 'Sleeping with the Enemy' & reflect.


thumbnail Great tips! Thanks for sharing, as usual!

thumbnail Thanks for liking it. I hope you find it useful.

thumbnail are amazing Yvonne! thank you! :)

thumbnail this is a great article! I would like to see this message get out to more younger women (teens) who think that control and jealousy from their "man" is love....

thumbnail OMGosh Laura! You hit the nail on the head!

thumbnail You just have to walk in a mall, and overhear young girls(and I mean girls)'s sad, and scary...I don't know where they get this idea...

thumbnail I feel that males (young and older) should watch this as well...a lot of them don't know the proper way to treat a lady.

thumbnail You are so right, Diane! Just where are these attitudes coming from though? It's learned from somewhere....

thumbnail Possibly lack of a male in the home enviornment, or no strong male role model? Bad influences of gangs, TV/movies, so called friends? Christ not in the home? Sure there's more...Multitude of possibilities!

thumbnail Ladies, feel free to forward this to your friends and family not on FB. I feel this is an important message to get to as many people as possible

thumbnail When I was young - I thought that this was strictly a guy doing to a girl happening - as I've grown older and seen much, much more - I have found that this is very much a two-way street and that girls are also guilty of doing this to guys. Insecure people always try to control others. It's a very destructive behavior pattern that strikes both sexes and what some think of as "love" is sometimes "control".

thumbnail Peggy,I agree. Women are just as guilty of doing this. As you so rightly pointed out, the need for control is borne of insecurity, a trait that occurs in both men and women.


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